peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
