Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
