Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
