Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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