even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
