I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
