Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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