Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
