hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
