I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
