my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
