i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
