im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
