walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
