im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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