The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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