Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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