Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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