she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
