Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
