your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
