That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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