i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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