so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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