Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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