hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
