I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
