if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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