you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His hands were made for my vagina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mom said you looked used
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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