im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
