question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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