I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
