Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
