erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
