DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I enjoy the company of your penis
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