I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
