A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
