So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
