no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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