It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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