i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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