I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
