he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
