WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
