The maid of honor just puked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
