Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
So. Much. Porn.
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