First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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