i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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