and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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