What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
