I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All the doctor said was why
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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