you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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