No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
