I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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