She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you had me at cake vodka
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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