M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
