Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
