Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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