u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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