you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
