I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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