Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
